Monday, April 14, 2008

Bring IT!!!

It pains me to think of how bad I am at disciplining myself. The list of my inadequacies is long. Chiefly, I find it difficult to set boundaries. I’m so afraid of being pigeonholed or caged. I’d compare my fear to that of an animal being backed into a corner. The animal is scared and unsure - desperate to know where there is a route of escape, another possible option.

I like this escape clause; it states, “If I don’t like it here, I can make a run for it. If I feel threatened, there is a way out to safety.” But, a corner leaves no option. At this point, the animal must fight or back down.

The fight often means expending energy in futility which leads to frustration, confusion and sometimes injury. Backing down signifies defeat, giving up and admitting that there is nowhere else to go. This acceptance is a frightening reality, but one with which we must come to terms with.

I find it scary to be confined. Once I submit myself to specific boundaries, it means that I can’t do what I want, when I want. This frightens me.

I’m a big LOST fan, and this analogy will make sense if you follow the best TV show ever written. The hostiles on the island, or The Others, have been making their way back and forth between two islands by way of submarine. Their leader, Ben, insists that the submarine provides a type of “security blanket,” which creates within them a peace of mind concerning living on the island. These people have always exercised their free will to stay on the island with the knowledge that they could leave at anytime by way of submarine (so we’re told). Once the submarine is destroyed things change.

Likewise, once our security blankets are stripped away things change. It’s this change that will bring about something radical in me – something that has little to do with my own efforts, but everything to do with God’s power. I know that kind of change is exactly what I want and what God wants in me. He wants me to let him remove everything that I hold onto – so that I might know that He is enough. This is a daily process which involves discovering who God really is and learning how to trust Him and if He really is trustworthy. What I know right now is I want to know God more. I want him to move in my life and if that requires change then bring it!!!